The Gossip

"Others may accuse you of gossip, and you will never regain your good reputation." Proverbs 25:10 NLT

I was accused of being a gossip today.
Whether or not I was actually doing what I was accused of is still wrestling around in my head, but the fact that someone thought that I was maliciously talking about someone else has left me reeling.

The Spirit is convicting me, so I probably was wrong. I was also prompted to write today when this blog hasn't been my priority in a long time.

"A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers." Proverbs 20:19 NLT

Whether or not what I was doing was gossip, am I showing the world by my attitude and actions the Spirit of Christ? Or am I doing the enemy's work and tearing down someone I am supposed to be building up?

I repented and asked and do ask forgiveness of the times I have slipped up and probably will slip up in the future. Taming the tongue is a hard area for me to master. With practice, however, I do believe that it can be done.

I refuse to lose my reputation and my ability to win people over to Christ because of this.
I refuse to be a chatterer.
I refuse to tell secrets.
I refuse to gossip.

Join me.

Defeat

I have been feeling incredibly defeated lately. I have tried not to show it, but I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and when I am hurting, even more so.

There wasn't a starting point; not that I can identify anyway, not but I do know that ever since I got baptized, the enemy has been after me.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8

I never really paid much attention to the first part of that verse until right now. "Be self-controlled and alert." Be aware of the enemies schemes. Control yourself and your reactions.

I have not done a great job of that lately.

The silver lining is that I have been forgiven - ever since that day that the enemy and I broke up and he's been on the warpath trying to win me back - and that I just need to act like it.

Shine?

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 5: 14-16 NASB

We are called not only to do good works, but we are called to do these works out in the open and let our light "shine before men" so that they can see them and praise God. But what if you prefer to hide in your house, praising God alone, but still do good works? Isn't this still ok?

Honestly, this is a struggle for me. I have turned myself into an extrovert and made it my mission to meet people, make new friends, join many ministries and do works in a very public way. But during the rest of the week, I'd love to curl up on the couch and write my blog, do my work for the world and just hide out. I simply do not want to be around people, talk, interact, anything.

Unfortunately, this isn't God's plan. Over and over again, He points us to his plan for fellowship in many parts of our lives beyond Sunday or during the big project. He tells us that it is not good for us to be alone. (Genesis 2:18). He tells us to show hospitality to strangers and one another (Hebrews 13:2, Romans 12:13). These are ways that I need to hang my lampstand at home but haven't successfully done yet. I'm willing to hang a light at someone else's house but it gets tough when you are asked to do it at your own.

It's a process. We are the light of the world. Whether that is a tealight or a floodlight right now is irrelevant. Stick with God and the rest will come. For now, just shine.

A Gift

I was leaving church after the last service to grab a cup of ice from the gas station when a young girl about the same age as my daughter came running after me.

"Lukey's mom! Lukey's mom!" she called. 

I call my son Luke. Everyone else on the planet calls him Lukey so I am outvoted.

I turned around and she said, "You have a wonderful voice! You sang that song and I just love it now!"

"That's a gift from God," I said, "and thank you for your kind words."

I was part of the Worship Team today and one of the songs we used in the worship set was Restless by was Audrey Assad. It's a beautiful song, and God can use it no matter who is singing.

I think it's important, especially for a child, to know that God gives us these gifts and that we can offer them right back in worship to Him. When someone tells me that I did a great job it can be uncomfortable for me because my human nature and ego want to take that praise and keep it.

For God's gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.
Romans 11:29 NLT

But I know that He gave me this gift and the glory belongs to Him. So I pass the praise right back to him. So when someone, like the child, tells me I sang wonderfully, well then "praise God," "God is good" and "it's a gift from God."

Go back to work

I'm not going to lie. I wish that I didn't desire to do exactly what the title of this post says.

There is a very real part of me that would like nothing more than to stop everything I am doing right now, quit every ministry that I have committed myself and my family to, and just go back to work. It should be that easy. I even had an interview last week and was nearly convinced that I could go back to work, enroll the children in after school care and endure a 2 1/2 hour daily commute. I prayed for God to reveal His will, that if this was His plan that he make it abundantly clear, that if this is what He wants, to make it happen. Thing is, I really wanted it deep down, I think.

No one ever said being transparent would be pretty. On the flip side, no one ever said that prayer was getting everything you want.

God's will was revealed. I didn't get the job. My ministry at home and in communications and worship continues with renewed vigor.

There is still a twinge, however, when I recognize that there is a whole world out there that considers what I am doing as not "working." To a large number of people, even those within the church, I am "unemployed." I am unemployed by man, but I am employed by the best boss I will ever have. I have the best benefits you could ask for and my paycheck is waiting for me. I got a down payment and will cash the rest in later on.

I know I need to throw out the boxes of being "as good" as everyone else. Of "achievement=worth." They are so old and so familiar that it becomes hard to do. The longer I live this new life as a homemaker, a spiritual leader to my children and realize that there is worth in things other than what I do for a living, it makes throwing out that old garbage easier.

I realize I can't "go back to work." I'm already there.

Father's Day

He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.
Malachi 4:6 NIV

Father's day always reminds me how I missed out on what a blessing having a dad can be growing up.  My dad left our family when I was 13 and really never looked back. There was a short interval where he had custody of my brother, sister and I out of necessity, but it really did not work out and his unchecked anger forced my brother and I to frequently run away. Eventually we chose to live with our mother in a homeless shelter.

It says something when you choose to be homeless over living with your dad.

I understand now that my dad was not equipped to deal with raising three children on his own and that he was dealing with a lot of bad boxes (temptation) of his own. He was raised in a situation where he was beaten and never learned a different way of handling his emotions. He did not have a relationship with God. It was a recipe for disaster. He did the right thing in letting us go.

But I still would have like to have some kind of contact, a relationship or closeness. As it stands, I know very little about his life and he knows very little about mine. That makes me sad in a way, but only because I lack that closeness on earth.

I praise God that I have him to fill the void. He is the Father I always dreamed of. He will always be there for me.

...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 NIV

Leadership

There's a phrase that is used frequently (I use that term lightly) in the Servant-Leadership class at Life Bridge Christian Church.

"Leadership is not about power or position. It's about walking with God and helping others get there."

There was a time, even when I was going through the class, when that phrase was not so easily at the tip of my tongue and if asked, I struggled to come up with the phrase. Leadership is what?

In the world, we are taught to ascend the corporate ladder. That in order to be worthwhile, we have to do something, be something.

Even motherhood and raising a family is not enough for a woman anymore. I was talking with a very wise Builder who told me, "There was a time that being a stay at home mom was enough. People knew it was a full-time job. Now they expect more." How true this is. When I chose to leave my old life, where I was what I call "a professional jerk," and focus on my relationship with God, my relationship with my children and working in the local church -- in that order, I often am asked the same set of questions.

"So, Missi, what do you do now."
"After you graduate, what are you going to do?"
"When the kids are in school, what will you do?"

The thing is, I am doing exactly what I believe God wants me to be doing. My first ministry is to my family. I am called first to be a Leader here, in this home. My "job" is walk with God, and to help my kids get there. My next "job" is to be Communications Coordinator at Life Bridge. Whenever I finish my education, I don't anticipate these jobs changing, only that my relationship with all three of these entities should be closer.

It's hard to grasp, because the world sends a totally different message. It says climb the ladder. Jesus says, "Come on down."

"But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28 NLT

What kind of husband will your son be?

And she made this vow: "O Lord Almighty, if you will look down upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime."
1 Samuel 1:11 NLT

I just finished reading Sheri Rose Shepherd's Preparing Him For the Other Woman. I have been purposefully reading this book slowly, taking in a chapter at a time. I heard Ms. Shepherd speak at an Extraordinary Women's conference last October, but did not get the book until several months later. It's a very interesting story actually.

After her talk, Ms. Shepherd invited everyone in the audience to come get a free book and to even have it signed if they wished. There was a limit of one book each, and while it was hard to choose between this book and His Little Princess, which was a book of love letters from God to my daughter, which was something she sorely needed, and still needs to hear. And honestly, don't we all? I made the choice to get the book for my daughter and was sure I would get the other book another time.

About six months later, a friend at church who had attended the same conference approached me, book in hand and asked me if I had left the book in her vehicle. She didn't select it at Sheri's table and she didn't know anyone who had. I told her that I hadn't either. She said that all she knew was that it was mine if I wanted it. I praise and thank God for that faithful friend for delivering me his gift because this book has been truly eye-opening.

There is so much that is involved in raising a child, let alone a boy, but because men are called by God to be leaders, there is a special mission. Not only are they leaders in their home, but spiritual leaders who go into battle against the enemy - honorable, pure, loving heroes who have real relationships with God - these are the boys that we need to be raising. I have to say there are many things I could be doing better to be raising a man to such a high standard.

Of course it can be done with faith in God and hard work. Is he not the great matchmaker?